- Observations over characterizations
- What you heard or saw.
- Don’t make a generalization or character judgment. I.e. don’t make a story around what you observed
- Emotions over thoughts
- I feel frustrated (emotion) vs. I feel that you aren’t taking this seriously (thought)
- If you can substitute “I think” for “I feel”, it’s a thought
- Universal Needs
- Most emotions flow from unmet universal needs
- Common ones are:
- Leave others out of your needs (“I need support” vs. “I need support from you”)
- Requests vs. Demands
- Make requests specific
- Say what you want, not what you don’t want
- Don’t forget to check in with the other person to see what they heard
Bailey, D. How to Deliver Constructive Feedback in Difficult Situations. (2019).