Non-violent communication

• Observations over characterizations
  • What you heard or saw.
  • Don’t make a generalization or character judgment. I.e. don’t make a story around what you observed
• Emotions over thoughts
  • I feel frustrated (emotion) vs. I feel that you aren’t taking this seriously (thought)
  • If you can substitute “I think” for “I feel”, it’s a thought
• Universal Needs
  • Most emotions flow from unmet universal needs
  • Common ones are:
    • Autonomy
    • Collaboration
    • Consistency
    • Clarity
    • Integrity
    • Recognition
    • Respect
    • Reassurance
    • Security
    • Support
    • Understanding
  • Leave others out of your needs (“I need support” vs. “I need support from you”)
• Requests vs. Demands
  • Make requests specific
  • Say what you want, not what you don’t want
• Don’t forget to check in with the other person to see what they heard

¹

1. Bailey, D. How to Deliver Constructive Feedback in Difficult Situations. (2019).